


Now My Time Has Come

by IAmKayDubs



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Budding Relationship, Emotional, FTM, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Transgender, Transition
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-04
Updated: 2015-02-04
Packaged: 2018-03-10 10:25:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3286880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAmKayDubs/pseuds/IAmKayDubs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Her entire life, Lily does not fit in the body she was given. Using 'she' to describe herself makes her cringe, but she's never tried to make a change. Now, however, she is in a new place. It's time for the change she (he) has always wanted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Now My Time Has Come

**Author's Note:**

> This story was posted on Fanfiction a few weeks ago, and I thought I would post it here as well! Enjoy

Real quick, before I start this story, I want to clear some things up. Yes, this story will have mentions of romance (or the mention of starting a romantic relationship, mainly), but I want to make sure people know that I'm not trying to romanticize this topic. First and foremost, this story is about Tino, and his journey from one point to another.

Also, on a similar note, I am not part of the transgender community. That doesn't mean, however, than I don't want to tell stories that involve such topics. That being said, if anything is wrongly represented, please let me know. I tried to do as much research as I could, but that's not going to compare to the experiences and views of someone that is part of the community. I don't want this story to be offensive, that's the last thing that I would want. So please, if I could change anything to make this more realistic, leave it in a comment.

Thanks everyone, and I hope you enjoy.  
-

'Take a deep breath, everything will be okay.'

She followed her own advice, the same advice she'd followed since she was a little kid, any time she was worried or nervous.

She stepped into the pristine office building, cringing as her high heels clicked on the shiny tiled floor. She wished she could just wear dress shoes.

She smiled at the receptionist, taking the elevator up to the floor she was meant to be on. On the way up, she saw her boss's office through the all glass walls of the elevator.

Her boss was an interesting man, named Berwald Oxenstierna. He was tall, his face angular and sharp. He had small wire glasses on his face, which was almost always void of any emotion. She had found him intimidating, but also quite intriguing.

She reached her floor and made her way out of the elevator, clutching her satchel tighter. She made her way to her desk and sat down, letting out a breath once in the safety of her cubicle.

She had already gone through all of the training, but today was her first day actually working in the office.

She stood up and glanced around. All of the people seemed to fit right in. Either they were working intently, or they stood near each other talking. They all seemed so comfortable with themselves, like they belonged...

'That would be a nice feeling' she thought.

Even using 'she' to describe herself made her want to hide. She never felt truly at home in her body. She never liked her chest, or her wavy hair that fell to her shoulders. She didn't like wearing dainty high heels or finely pressed skirts.

She didn't want to be a she at all, really.

She wanted to start going through transition before she even left her home town, but she chickened out. She didn't want to see the looks of disapproval when people found out that the Väinämöinen's daughter was no longer their daughter at all.

Now, she was in a city. A place where bright lights and bustling crowds drowned out the pursed lips of disapproval. Any gossip that would normally spread in a tiny town like the one she grew up in would be squashed by the sheer number of people.

Now was the time to change.

She finished the work day, and she let out a sigh of relief when it was all over. She gathered her things and made her way out of her area.

She made a beeline for the elevator. On the way, she saw her boss and he gave her a curt nod. She managed a shaky smile in response.

She made her way home, tossing her bag on the floor and making her way to the bathroom immediately. She took in a deep breath, looking over every detail of herself.

She ran a brush through her hair, making sure every knot was out.

Then she grabbed the scissors.

She held them up, grabbing a chuck of hair at a point even with her bottom lip. She took in a huge breath and cut, letting the handful of blonde hair fall to the floor.

She let out the breath.

She broke out into a smile.

She continued to cut pieces off until she had short hair that fell just behind the top of her ears. She trimmed her bangs as well, so they didn't fall as close to her eyes.

She admired her work in the mirror. She wiped off the minimal amount of makeup she had on (she'd wanted to make a good impression at work), and she smiled at the fact that her face much more closely resembled that of a boy.

Exhaustion hit her then, so she put all of her things away and went to bed early.

...

The next morning she held her head high. She hadn't made much of a change, and of course she was nowhere near being completely confident in herself (soon to be himself, hopefully), but she was taking strides towards being so.

She began to doubt herself, however, when she started seeing the looks on peoples faces. When she smiled at the receptionist, she almost smiled back, but blinked in surprise instead. A few of the other workers on the first floor were staring as well. Neither look was necessarily mean, but it made her nervous not knowing what they were thinking.

She took the elevator up once again. This time, however, it stopped a few floors early. She glanced up, only to see Berwald stepping on to the elevator.

She took a step aside so he could stand next to her. She couldn't bring herself to meet his eyes.

"Good morning," he said, in his low rumble of a voice. "Lily, is it?"

She nodded quickly. "Yes, sir. Good morning to you as well!"

Berwald's eyes bore into her, she could feel his gaze as she tried to avoid meeting it. Was he analyzing her? Noticing things he didn't like? Or--

"I like your hair."

Her head shot up. "Hmm?"

"Your hair. You cut it, right? I like it."

It took her a moment to process that. Then she smiled widely.

"Oh, yes! Thank you."

Berwald gave her a tiny nod as the elevator stopped, and they stepped out one by one.

Thinking of that never ceased to make her smile that day.

...

The week went by smoothly. Lily was trying to find all of the options for future steps in the process of transition.

On her break, she didn't go get a snack or sit in the break room, she stayed at her computer. She pulled up a web page and began searching.

Binders. She needed one. She didn't think she could even consider passing as a male if she didn't get one.

She got lost in her search, only to be interrupted by a tap on her shoulder.

She spun around, her face lighting up, burning intensely. Who had seen her looking up binders...--

Berwald.

Lily yelped and turned, quickly trying to exit the page. It minimized, and she sighed, turning back towards her boss. She smoothed out the skirt she hated wearing, trying to look neater.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have... I...--"

"You're on break, right?"

She nodded furiously. "Yes, sir."

"Then it's fine. No need to be embarrassed."

She blinked. Was he really okay with that? It would be a nice change.

"Yes, sir. Thank you."

"I just came by to see if you had that report that's due?"

"Oh! Yes, I do. One second." She turned around and shuffled through her papers, pulling out one nicely stapled set of pages. "Here."

Berwald took the papers and nodded. He murmured a raspy goodbye, but before he left, he placed a hand on Lily's shoulder. It lingered for a moment, but neither one said a thing.

Then he turned around and left.

...

Four months passed. A new life has begun.

Lily is no longer Lily. Lily is now Tino. It's a name that he picked out, seemingly random, but he had always loved it.

Now, Tino was returning to work after the weekend. He had been making small changes, bit by bit, for the last months. His coworkers were sure to know that something was changing, and he planned to tell them officially today. He wanted others to realize that he is in fact a he.

He felt that he was passing quite well. If you hadn't already known him as Lily, you probably wouldn't be able to recognize him.

He didn't let it get him down when he smiled at the receptionist and she didn't even make eye contact. He was feeling confident for once, and he didn't want to let just one person ruin that.

He made his way up to his office, as the usual routine dictated. He felt lighter than air, such a nice feeling it was.

He reached the proper floor, heading for his desk. Before he could reach it, however, someone came up behind him and tapped his shoulder.

"Hey, Lily, are you on the team for that new marketing project?"

Tino swallowed. "Yeah, I am... But hey, can you call me Tino from now on? That's my preferred name."

"Tino? You changed your name?"

"Yeah. As a part of accepting my gender, I decided to change over to less feminine name."

"Accepting your gender? What are you on about?"

Tino frowned. "I didn't fit in as a girl. I'm a boy..."

"No, you're not. That's silly, you're a girl. You can't just change your gender."

"I'm not really changing anything. I wasn't a girl, I was just told I was. I'm a boy."

"No, Lily, you aren't." He emphasized Tino's old name. His face was no longer kind, it was now a sneer.

Someone else came up by his coworkers side. "What's going on?"

"Get this, Lily thinks she's a boy now."

"A boy? Why would you think that? Thats not how it works."

Tino stepped back. He wouldn't let one person get him down, but when everyone was narrowing in, he felt trapped, he felt weak.

"I'm a boy. I am." He tried to sound strong, but his voice was wavering slightly.

Tino saw his coworker's mouth open to speak, but it shut when a soft grunt was heard from behind Tino.

"Mr.Väinämöinen, could I see you in my office, please? I have something to talk to you about." Berwald asked, his voice steady.

"Boss, you do know thats Lily, right? Meaning she's not a Mr."

"You must have some false information. As far as I'm concerned, he's as much of a male as you or I." Berwald said simply.

Before Tino's coworker could say anything else, Berwald placed a hand on Tino's back and led him away from the others.

Tino tried to hold himself high as Berwald led him to the elevator and down to his office. He felt his throat tightening and his lip trembling, but he made sure he held it in. Berwald shut the door to his office and locked it. He sat down behind his desk and gestured for Tino to take a seat in front of it.

Tino looked at Berwald, waiting for him to speak. He hoped Berwald would say what he wanted before he totally broke down.

"Are you alright?" Berwald asked.

Tino looked up suddenly, his widened eyes meeting Berwald's.

"I don't have anything business related to talk to you about, I just needed a reason to get you out of there. You seemed to be struggling."

Tino's eyes watered. Berwald understood... Berwald was on his side...

Tino nodded, his hand moving up to cover his mouth, more tears beginning to flow.

"I thought I was actually passing as a male... I really did." Tino said. It felt good to tell someone how he felt, rather than holding in all of his fears and doubts until he got home at night. It felt even better knowing that Berwald accepted him. Berwald actually cared about how he felt, no matter what gender he was.

"You are. I say that truthfully, you really are. You are a wonderful man, I promise."

"Thank you..." Tino murmured, trying to slow his crying. He glanced up, wiping at his eyes. "You're the first one here to accept me..."

"I have no reason not to. Nobody has the right to tell you that you are or are not a certain gender."

"No, but they sure try, don't they?" Tino said, chuckling dryly.

"Yes... People always think they know you better than you do."

"The world is strange... Isn't it?" Tino whispered, almost entirely to himself. "Anyway, thank you. I'm glad you came when you did... I was only a few seconds away from breaking down in front of everyone..."

"I could tell. I didn't want to see you that way, I needed to do something. You shouldn't be in pain just because you were trying to educate some narrow-minded people."

Tino smiled, his tears finally drying. He can't find words. Luckily, Berwald speaks for him.

"Now, is there anything else I can do for you? You deserve to feel safe here."

"Just one thing. Could you please call me Tino from now on? That's the name I've chosen."

"Tino? Of course." Berwald said, nodding. "What made you pick that name? Don't get me wrong, I actually really like it, but I'm curious."

"No real reason, really. I was researching and thinking up names, and I thought it fit me, like it was supposed to be my name in the first place."

"I see. I think it fits you as well. I like it."

"Thanks." Tino said softly, smiling.

"Now, can I drop the roll of your boss for a moment? I'd like to ask you something."

Tino met his eyes, which seemed a lot warmer than usual. "Yes, of course."

"Would you like to go on a date with me?"

Tino felt his cheeks heating up. He'd never been asked out before... It was an interesting idea.

Berwald was a kind man, too. He seemed to care about Tino, he cared about protecting him and making sure he felt safe.

Tino imagined a world where he was dating Berwald. The options all sounded pretty good.

"Yes, I would love that." Tino said with a smile.

Tino thought back to the past days, when he felt alone, lost in a body that felt like it never belonged to him in the first place. Now, he sat in Berwald's office, content with his life, and more importantly, content with himself.

-  
A/N: And there we have it. I pretty much said everything I needed to about this story at the start, but once again, please let me know how I did with representing Tino and the things he went through. Thank you.

Also, I feel like I need to add this, as it goes right along with the themes in this story. RIP Leelah Alcorn. She didn't deserve the fate she got. Just as I hope that I'll live to see the day where anyone can marry anyone they choose, I hope to see the day in which people understand that gender does not have to be a concrete thing.

Thank you for reading.

-KayDubs


End file.
